One Reason I was Absent: {Is there such thing as a false positive?}

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(DISCLAIMER FOR BOYS: I WILL BE TALKING ABOUT GIRL STUFF…READ WITH CAUTION)

To get straight to the point I initially paused on blogging because I thought I was pregnant, then I wasn’t.  You see, my personality is an “all or nothing” one….so when I thought I was pregnant all I could think about was baby, and the blog just slipped from my mind!

It started as it usually does…..I felt pregnancy symptoms and decided to take a test.  (I am breastfeeding so I still hadn’t started my period after having my baby girl last February so I couldn’t say that I had missed a period).   It was positive.  BUT the line was faint.  I have always heard “any line means your pregnant” and “there is no such thing as a false positive” so of course I assumed I was pregnant.  With my last pregnancy it was almost the same situation; my first test had a very faint line.   Anyway, I thought, “This is it!  I am pregnant and I am going to have Irish twins!”  I told my husband, we celebrated, thanked God for the opportunity to be parents again, prayed for sanity, then told our family.   One of the reasons I was so excited was because it was difficult for me to get pregnant on my own the first time.  I went through several infertility tests and ended up taking a medicine called Clomid to help my eggs drop…and after a few rounds we got pregnant.  So thinking that I got pregnant naturally floored me!

We went to the doctors later and they gave me a blood pregnancy test to confirm my pregnancy and it was negative.  I was so confused!  I thought they were wrong about their diagnosis so I went to the store and bought two more pregnancy tests (one generic like the first, and the other a First Response).  The First Response came back “Not Pregnant” while the generic test came back positive again (faint line).  This was followed by of course more confusion and major googling as to what in the heck was going on.  I have to admit to you all that in that time I went through all the stages of grief in a matter of minutes.  At first I was ecstatic that I was pregnant, then I felt dumb for telling people I was, then disappointed and sad that I wasn’t, and then just confused.  (I may have cried on the floor in my kitchen for about 90 seconds).

A few days later heavy bleeding and cramping began and lasted 42 days!…but abnormal, longer periods are common for your first period after having a baby.  Then in all my googling I discovered a few woman had similar experiences with generic tests.  But I also discovered via my friend Claire googling that there is something medically called “chemical pregnancy” which is a very early miscarriage.  So the question is, “Was I pregnant, or was it truly a false positive?”  A lot of people have there opinion when I tell them the story, but I will never fully know.  I can’t say that I am excited I am not pregnant, but like so many hard situations in our life, God has shown me that His timing is perfect and He has a plan.

****Word of advice: When buying pregnancy tests….don’t go with the generic brand!******

Keeping It Real : {I’m Fashionably Uncool}

“I hate wedges! Luckily they aren’t IN right now anyway,” my friend Claire said to me a few weeks ago. “They aren’t!?,“ I replied, as I looked down sadly at my wedged feet. How did this happen?

My biggest fashion fear is that I would be one of those people, that when you see them on the street you say to yourself, “Uh, someone is still stuck in the 80’s!” Do you know what I mean? Those people who rock the same hairstyle, clothing style, or makeup that they wore 20 years ago, think it is still cool and that they are still 20 years younger. Well, I think I am turning into one of those people. For example, when doing my makeup I could do “cat eyes” or “wings” on the eyes everyday… “gettin wingy with it” as I like to call it (told you I was uncool), but that look can be a timeless look, so I am ok there. But when it comes to fashion, lately, I am at a loss!

This wasn’t always the case. Not that I ever claimed to be a fashionista…not at all. But at least I knew what was in and if I wasn’t wearing anything cool it was a conscious decision…unlike now where I am just lost in a sea of high wasted shorts (really?). You see, when I was pregnant I was one of those people who gained a ton of weight. This all led to me literally wearing the same 2 pants and 1 pair of yoga pants for the entirety of my pregnancy. I wasn’t one of those “cute” pregnant people who can remain fashionable while rocking the bump. By the end, one of the pants had a huge whole in the leg from over-use so I wore yoga pants. And my swollen feet could only fit into boots so I rocked the classic yoga pants/UGG boot combo (which a co-worker told me is SO early 2000’s…along with jean skirts and UGG boots…I know, I am just as shocked as you are). Anyway, I am sure a part of my lack of fashion was due to the fact that I didn’t see the point in spending money on clothes that I wouldn’t wear forever, and needed to save that money to pay for baby expenses. All this getting ready for baby led to me losing touch with fashion and what is “cool.”

So now that my belly is not the size of a watermelon and I am back to a more “Normal” life, body and routine, I can’t help but want to go shopping and be “cool” again. But every time I have gone to the stores I feel a bit overwhelmed. I feel like I am so behind in just the basics of what is cool that buying one or two statement pieces would look just silly on my pants that are 3 years old. (As a sidenote, the only pants I have are skinny…is skinny still in?). So instead I just keep rockin the same clothes, accept hand me downs from friends that are trying to make me cool, and buy a few things every now and again. I haven’t really dived into being cool full throttle because A) money but B) being uncool really doesn’t bother me all that much. This isn’t to say that I am not taking care of myself or “letting myself go,” but that I am ok with my style and don’t need to worry about adopting all the latest and greatest trends.

Let me leave you with this great quote from my very fashionable friend Karla Reed: “If you love it, and it looks good on you, then it will never go out of style.”

There is something freeing about saying, “I like my style, whatever that is.”

photo (12)8 Months pregnant – Christmas 2012 – Love this sweater – Uncool to the max